FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize