This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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