my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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