And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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