I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
