I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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