Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize