can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
