lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
