I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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