Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
