Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
