So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sext me about skeletons
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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