Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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