and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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