I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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