My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize