Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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