I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize