drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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