Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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