tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
