after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
