wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize