No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
