If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
