You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
