he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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