he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
