As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
