I think my fart just growled at me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think people are normalizing furries
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
