Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
