I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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