i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize