Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
