Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize