gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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