I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
