i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
last night I used snow as a chaser
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