My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
