Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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