theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just had sex on a roof
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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