Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
