At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
