Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
