I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
