Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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