Slut skills are useful in every country.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
