There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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