seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
