note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
