I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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