yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
