So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
