cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
