I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
