just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
