you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
