my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
