how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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