Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
