my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
