I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
