Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
