There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize