I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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