oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
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