I cut my penus on the lid.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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