I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
