What a fucking waste of an outfit
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize