i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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