Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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