as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
