there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
