he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
