I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
