i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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