I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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