Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
