I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
