Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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