i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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