So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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