I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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