party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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