I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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