Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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