I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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