i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
