oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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