so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
