I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize