She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
