She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
