i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
