So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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