You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
