booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
