***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
