positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
