i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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