I smell stomach acid.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My dick has a subreddit
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
