Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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