Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
