If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
