it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I FOUND THE LEGS
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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