She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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