He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
